Some thoughts on fame and friendship

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Memokkeen
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I'm back, I think. 
Plan on posting and streaming again, at least!

While I was "absent", I did a lot of thinking, and a lot of things have also happened.

I went away thinking I need to rebuild and reforge my relationship with art. 
...turns out, it was my relationship with people I needed to work on, not the art. The art was a symptom of the root cause, which was my unbalanced relationship with a lot of people. 

I am a giving person. And this naturally attracts... almost everyone. Because who doesn't love to receive gifts, love, attention; right? Then I realised, that almost no one has it in them to give back even a fraction of what I put out. Which is okay; I don't give to get. But like... I put way too much energy and time into people who were basically sinkholes that sucked stuff out of me, without nourishing my creativity, my energy... my spirit. And that has to stop. Doesn't mean I won't gladly hang out with people who are casual friends/acquaintances/fans. Just means that I am more aware to limit putting time and energy into people who feed my soul, instead of sucking it dry. And that this should also reflect on my art; who I work with, what I work on, etc. I don't think I'm coming back changed, new & improved; I just have a clearer direction now.

There have been several things I've been taking part of in the shadows, and in some of those group projects, immature, stupid... almost monstrously selfish and insecure people lurked, looking for their chance to shine at the expense of others. Like, holy shit. 
Please stop and look in the mirror. 
I've seen and heard so many stories about gold diggers spamming artists to ride on their popularity; use Popular Artist's voice as if their own, and hurt people in the name of that Popular Artist and thus, remove responsibility for their own actions because it was Popular Artist who thought so; not the "messenger". Wrecking things, and leaving Popular Artist who never sanctioned this action to clean up.
 Seen people treat Popular Artist as a concept/icon/not human, to use for your own ends, to say whatever to, because they're "above" getting hurt, or that it somehow comes with the job to take shit from people. Obsess over every little thing Popular Artist has said or done; but never really listen and talk with them, like... yanno, a person. The usage of Popular Artist as a stepping stool to your own spotlight, being petty, mean and taking out your insecurities on Popular Artist by talking to them about page views, favourites, and how their style isn't better than yours, "so why are you more popular than me?" <--- this is not friendship. This is not helpful. This is damaging to yourself, and the Popular Artist you're trying to be friends with. It's hurtful.

And I can tell you why they're more popular. I in fact, have the secret to fame & success.
The secret is, they don't have time to waste on stupid stuff like faves, comments, page views, amount of followers, etc.
Instead of outside, they look in. They work hard on their own art. I will guarantee anyone and everyone, the moment you stop thinking about why you don't have as much as Popular Artist, or how to cheat your way into what they've built with years of hard work... and just work hard on being yourself and doing your own thing... you will become a popular artist. 
Seriously. 
Just work hard on the things you love. It really is that simple.
 It will pay off, that's how and why popular people are popular. They work hard on their own expression, their own thing. And people love seeing someone unique and genuine.

I am so tired of people building a fake image of themselves, latching onto someone hardworking & real, and when they feel they're "in" with this Popular Artist, start slowly poisoning them by spreading whispers about how everyone "but me" hates them (isolating them effectively from people who might be real friends), talks shit behind their back, taking out their shortcomings as an artist on Popular Artist, and thinking if Popular Artist promos and presents you as a friend, you'll get even a slice of their hard-earned spotlight for free and without having to work hard. 
 I'm so tired of people pretending to be sweet or kinder than they are, and then when they feel safe, backstabbing you because they never cared. They just wanted a way in to get something out of you. All the abusive garbage, like flooring you with walls upon walls of guilt-trippy, confusing, hurtful, lie-full text, misusing words to mean what you want them to mean, the gas-lighting... The type of person who will spin ANY attention, positive or negative, into more views, more "look at me I am a precious, poor, poor victim please love me"... I'm tired of the bitter jealousy, the competing and lashing out at your "friends"... thinking that someone else's success is somehow away from yours. It isn't. There is plenty to go around, I swear.

I don't have the energy to spare to go on a witch-hunt. And I most certainly don't have the energy to be friends with people like this. 
It's mostly being insecure and anxious, not like.. an evil person. But no one can help you change but yourself. You have to step in front of the mirror and ask yourself, 

"Is it possible I didn't think before I acted, and hurt someone? 
Is it possible I just used a person, and forgot they are a person and can get hurt, too? 

Am I doing the right thing?"

That's another thing. Accept that sometimes, your good intentions come out as bad actions. We're only human, it happens. Question yourself. There is no harm or shame in analysing your behaviour and actions and wondering where you went wrong. Way more damaging is to never ask questions of yourself or others, riding in certainty and leaving people hurt left and right.... because you never stopped to ask did you maybe hurt them, did you maybe do something stupid; even if you meant well. If you ask yourself before you act, you can be sincerely certain in your actions, and have a better footing to defend yourself if things turn sour anyway. 
 Questioning yourself is a safety-net you can use to catch yourself before you burn someone. I strongly recommend this as a self-help tool to everyone to be open to questions, especially the hard ones.

Just like...
Treat popular artists like people. They're someone's sister, father, daughter, best friend. They have feelings, issues, dreams and fears. Just because a lot of people look up to them, doesn't mean they're above us, somehow. They're just like you and me. They need someone to sit there and listen, too. Someone who understands and treats them with respect, like an equal.
Don't fake being something you're not. Especially to gain meaningless things like popularity. Be who you are, with all your ugly and flawed sides, and make friends instead. They'll carry you way further than anything or anyone else.

Just... stop with all this bullshit that doesn't matter and is damaging, to yourself and everyone around you, and focus on being the best version of yourself. As an artist and as a person. Please.
I've been in the art scene online for 12 years now, and I am getting too old and tired to deal with all this nonsense. =_=

Instead of asking "How do I get what they have?", think about "How can I be a better version of myself?"
Focus on giving, not getting. 
Focus on yourself, not on how you're viewed.

Be true to yourself, and have faith that that is enough.

© 2017 - 2024 Memokkeen
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databank's avatar
databank
You know some people sprang to mind when I started to read this. I've seen it, even stopped attending an artist's stream because of that kind of poisonous behavior.

He spewed vitriol and condemnation everywhere when her friends, maybe not the nice sort but the good sort of friends, kicked his ass out of channel.

And then? He's still working on other artists just the same, or trying to. He'll host dual streams so they need him to stream with their friends. That kind of thing.

Sorry for the comment rant, it's just... this subject, you know?